I haven't posted for a while as life has a habit of getting in the way when you would rather do other things, right?
What I have been doing is spending an unjustifiable amount of time on the myriad of wedding websites which exist to give inspiration to hapless brides, because obviously no girl ever got it right before Martha Stewart and her ilk came along. Most of these sites have a section called 'Real Weddings', and we are invited to inspect photos submitted by thousands of other couples on their big day to get ideas for our own nuptials. The over-arching idea behind all this 'inspiration' is to gather together ideas to make it a day that is totally and uniquely ours. However, what I have discovered after voyeuristically devouring all this wedding eye candy is that, apart from every couple being young and beautiful and blessed with good teeth, most of these weddings look disturbingly similar. Beautiful and joyous, of course, but similar. I appreciate that there are fashions with weddings as with everything else, but the photos that I have enjoyed the most are from couples who have done something different and broken the mold, eg, red or purple wedding dresses, or retro/rockabilly styling (you won't find such photos on Martha Stewart's wedding site, you have to search 'alternative weddings'. Which is a ghastly term - these people aren't 'alternatively married', they are just imaginative and some of the brides have visible tats). My tastes, and Nick's, are a bit more mainstream though and while we wouldn't personally want a rockabilly wedding or a purple dress, they do seem to be a bit of fun. Possibly I have OD'd on too many photos of strapless white gowns, cupcakes and tulle chair bows. (Disclaimer: there is absolutely nothing wrong with strapless white gowns, cupcakes and tulle chair bows.)
But let's not kid ourselves: the main reason for the proliferation of all this wedding porn is to get you to Buy More Stuff. And there is so much more Wedding Stuff to be had these days. It is mindboggling the choices which are now available in clothing, cakes, flowers, decorations - you name it. And it truly is a tyranny of choice. I actually had to have a discussion with poor Nick this morning over the cornflakes as to what sort of 'vibe' we wanted to express on the day - romantic and elegant? Country chic? Rustic? Village fete? Vintage? Beer mats and darts? This matters, you see, because you have to decorate accordingly and you don't want to be buying The Wrong Stuff. Decorating the venue is what is striking terror into my heart. I have not even decorated my own home halfway competently, but, if you believe in the Gospel of St Martha, there appears to be an expectation that I must transform our venue into something wondrous. I am not sure how I am supposed to achieve this working with the limitations of a pub interior, even a nice pub such as the one we will be taking over for the day. In the end, I think I will settle for 'it looks nice, dear'.
I have been on an amazing site called Etsy, which is full of wondrous creations made by artistic entrepreneurs. If you have never visited this site, treat yourself: www.etsy.com. I have already ordered my cake topper and a wreath from two of the artists who have shops on the site. I think it is a wonderful way for creative and talented people to showcase their wares. However, there is an entire section devoted just to weddings and you will start to feel dizzy after a while looking at everything on offer. It is enough to challenge the stamina of even a black belt shopper such as myself. One of the things which is new to me this time around are wedding favours, little gifts you put on the reception tables to give to your guests as thanks for coming to the wedding. It is a nice idea, but immediately jacks up the cost of your event. Some people make their own jams or chutneys or olive oil to give to their guests, but they probably have staff. I am useless at making anything except possibly cookies, so no prizes for guessing what will be on our tables!
As for the wedding cake, back in the day, if you were a bride in the UK the only choice was fruit cake with inedible rock hard royal icing. If you hailed from the US, you had vanilla sponge with white buttercream icing. In 1986, I dared to have chocolate cake with raspberry filling, although the icing was white to avoid gossip - the baker was only slightly scandalized. Today's choice of cakes is absolutely mindblowing. And, er, so are the prices. This is one wedding project that I am happy to take on myself. But for a bit of wedding cake drool factor, check out these gorgeous cakes from Peggy Porschen: www.peggyporschen.com. If you have to ask how much they are, you can't afford them.
Speaking of affording stuff, only those who have never been near a wedding won't understand that the insertion of the W word in front of any noun,such as dress,cake or flowers magically quadruples the price.Which is why the sketch below really gave me a chuckle.Till next time, when I shall be discussing how men handle the experience. (Nick's just gone white...).
Video: 'Man Stroke Woman' - just about sums everything up.
