I never imagined that finding a dress to get married in as an older bride would be so problematic. I have, thankfully (and thanks to some good advice from my sister) sorted this out, but I shall take you on a little journey on what it has been like to find The Dress.
Once Nick and I actually decided to get hitched, I started noodling about on the internet looking at websites for bridal wear and wedding ideas and general fluff and nonsense with which to squander time. I quickly discerned that apart from one sorry little chatroom populated by brides over 40 which I found, nearly everything out there is pitched for younger, first time around brides. I half-heartedly dipped a toe into this faintly pathetic chatroom scene, and quickly realised that a prerequisite for acceptance from the other brides there was the inability to spell properly. Let me give you a taster:
Q: 'I AM 59 AND H2B IS 63 AND MY GRANDAGTER SEZ I AM TO PASTIT TO WARE LONG WHITE VALE, AM I?'
A: 'NO HUNNY U WHAER WOT U LIKE IT IS UR DAY IF THEY DONT LIKE IT THEY CAN BLOODY WELL EFF OFF YOU GO GIRL'
This jolly little sorority was not for me.
Anyway, the first thing that enters the mind of any normal woman when faced with attendance at an event is 'What on earth am I going to wear?', usually accompanied by just a wee bit of terror (well, at least that is what happens with me, especially when I realise I need shoes and a bag to match). When it dawned on me that I needed a proper frock in which to enter the bonds of Holy Matrimony, utter panic set in. It's one thing buying a dress for a day at the races, or a cocktail reception - the world of ladies' wear is positively awash with these sorts of outfits, and one can browse quite easily from websites and magazines. However, it is an altogether different prospect in choosing a dress that you MUST look amazing in (think of all those photos) BUT it has to tick the following boxes:
- Sexy, but not too sexy
- Modest, but not too modest
- Comfortable, but not too comfortable as this implies Lycra, elastic waistbands and bedroom slippers
- Fashionable but not trendy (you don't want your children to die of embarrassment)
- Fashionable but not vintage (it is virtually impossible to successfully pull this look off if you are over 50 unless you are at a barbecue or garden party, involved in amdram or attending Goodwood Revival)
- Not look cheap but not look like you've raided your retirement fund to pay for it
- If long, it must not look like a nightgown
- If short, you must be very confident of your legs
- If tea length, not hit you at the fat part of your calf
- Not make you look like a complete fool. Possibly the most important consideration of all.
These are entirely different sartorial concerns from those a twenty something bride would have, as it is a universal truth that anyone under 30 looks good in a bin liner with just a hint of Vaseline for lip gloss. Younger women are also able to wear clothes which pinch, bind and dig and not bat an eye. If they know they look fantastic, their nerve endings can take a herculean amount of abuse. Ah, yes, I remember those days....
Anyway, I marched off to our local bridal shop hoping that I might, just might, find something hidden away which would suit. Upon entering the shop, I immediately felt like an intruder. I looked up at the rails holding massive wedding dresses inside equally massive plastic bags, like a hundred giant cocoons hanging in perfect symmetry, remaining undisturbed until such time as a happy young woman frees the snowy white butterfly from within. The sight of all of these amazing dresses would excite any woman's Inner Fairy Princess. However, my IFP was lounging on a sofa somewhere with a glass of Merlot, watching Steel Magnolias for the ninth time, and was unavailable for comment.
I glanced around the shop realising that I was seriously in the wrong place.
'You've nothing for me here', I said to the lady behind the counter, and I turned on my heel. 'But look at all these dresses!' she countered. 'Surely there must be something here for you?'
'Look at me', I said. 'Now look at your dresses. Can you honestly say that I, of more mature years and with a short and maternally built frame, would not look entirely ridiculous in one of your strapless, spangled, Cinderella gowns? Really?'
The owner of the shop heaved a sigh. 'You know, I opened up six weeks ago and if anyone had told me that I would need to have stock for women over 40, I would have laughed. I seriously underestimated that part of the market - you are the fifth older bride that's come in to the shop.'
'Were you able to find them a dress?' I coolly enquired. The owner pulled a green bridesmaid dress off a rail. 'I ordered this in ivory for the last lady who came in. I can order it in ivory for you too.' I had visions of a job lot of this dress being ordered, and then a small army of identically dressed older brides springing up. 'No thanks, I'll keep looking'.
Although I'm not sure of the statistics in the UK, I did find out that over 50% of marriages in the US are the second, third and fourth time around for people. This is a hugely untapped market. I found to my chagrin that if you type 'wedding dresses for mature brides' into Google, nothing really very useful comes up. I did find one site for a bridal salon in the US which did have a 'Mature Brides' button on it. I hovered my mouse over it and voila! What came up? A post about Botox. I was also enlightened about the type of casual and carefree weddings today's Encore Bride (that's what we are called in the US) is throwing: a shindig in an Italian winery complete with grape stomping; a beach bash in Hawaii; candlelit dinners for 100 in the gardens of art museums with the local philharmonic providing the background music - that sort of thing. As we are having the local church, a pub, and an iPod, I didn't exactly relate. And while the text on that post was telling me that Encore Brides don't want the same sort of long, white Cinderella dress a twenty year old yearns for, by golly, the beautiful six foot tall size two grey haired models in the photos had on those very same dresses. Hmmm.
After much emailing of links to dresses on wedding wear websites, my sister and I were close to exhaustion over this. She then stated the bleeding obvious: 'Find a dress in your wardrobe that you like and makes you feel confident and great, and either wear that or go have one made up in another colour'.
Sometimes the shortest distance between two points is a straight line and the best ideas are the simplest.
But where's the fun in that?
